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Saturday, June 23, 2012

Not the easy road... More on "breaking up" with Ashtanga

Last week, I posted a letter to Ashtanga about "seeing other yoga". I didn't really mean it to be a controversial post, but it did spark some discussion.  For some more good reading, Damn Good Yoga posted a perspective on her blog which also generated a lot of comments and discussion.

In any case, upon browsing the Ashtanga blogosphere, there seems to be a perception that people leave Ashtanga because it's too hard, or because they can't handle the discipline and commitment, or they are shying away from ego-destroying transformation. And maybe some people do - but I'm not really in a place to judge anyone else's reasons or motivations.

I find this interesting because for me, the decision to branch out from the Ashtanga path was a decision to leave my comfort zone, both physically and on more subtle levels. You see, as I mentioned in my letter, I was taught that Ashtanga was all the yoga I needed. That it was a complete system that would heal and balance my body and my mind, well, completely. So when I recently realised that this wasn't happening for my body, it made sense to me that I needed to modify my practice. It honestly wasn't a big drama for me - after all, my "loyalty" is to myself and my journey, not to one asana system or another. [Not to mention that as a teacher, I feel like I need to learn as many different approaches as possible, to be able to teach to as many different needs as possible!]

The realisation that Ashtanga wasn't working for me in a "complete" way came during my Level 2 yoga teacher training, and in particular I had 3 major "breakthroughs":
  • I realised that my shoulders have become imbalanced - partly this is the way my body is put together, and partly it's postural and work-related (damn computers). Basically, the front of my shoulders are quite strong and the muscles on the backs of my shoulders are comparatively quite weak, and this was causing my shoulders to round forward and causing me a certain amount of back pain. When I say "realised", I mean the kind of realisation that is accompanied by immense physical and emotional release - not the kind of passing thought you can just ignore. Yogis will know the kind I mean. Unfortunately, Ashtanga with its emphasis on forward-and-down vinyasas had made that imbalance worse. According to my Yoga Therapy teacher, this is pretty common among Ashtangis - many of whom suffer from shoulder injuries or pain at the back of the shoulder because those muscles remain comparatively underdeveloped. The good news is, it's fairly easy to work on and with the help of some yoga therapy moves, in a few short months since my TT I have already made huge progress in that area.
  • As I've already mentioned, I realised that my psoas and hip flexors were just not getting the love they needed. The psoas is of particular concern to me since it affects lower back pain and imbalance, which I already have my dose of thanks to my scoliosis. This became crystal clear to me when we were working on Eka Pada Raja Kapotasana / King Pigeon pose. I couldn't BELIEVE that after 3 years of Ashtanga I had made absolutely no progress with this pose. Wow. That just didn't seem right to me - but once my teacher observed where my limitations were in the pose - those pesky psoas and hip flexors among them - it made sense - and became clear that my Ashtanga practice was just not addressing those muscles in the way that my body needed.
  • Finally, as I mentioned, I have scoliosis. Luckily for me, it's quite mild, but it is progressive - i.e. the muscular imbalance, unless counteracted, gets worse with age. When I first started Ashtanga, I accepted the idea that the primary series was "yoga therapy", and therefore, my practice would be enough to relieve my imbalance. And while it did make the weaker side of my back stronger, over time it also caused the QL muscle on the strong side of my back (that's the thick muscle that runs either side of your lower spine) to become a rock-hard, ropey knot, which is exactly the kind of imbalance I need to avoid if I want to manage my scoliosis as I get older. Cue more massive release, and the realisation of just how badly I NEEDED to do some kind of practice that would allow me to dig deeper and really work on that area.
Now, I honestly think it would have been easier to just stay in my comfort zone and keep practicing Ashtanga, maybe throwing in a quick yoga therapy sequence in the afternoons to work on some of those target areas. Easier to remain attached to progressing along the Ashtanga path, and keep working towards second series. Easier on my ego, because I wouldn't have to face Eka Pada Raja Kapotasana or go deep, deep into that damn psoas and feel like I'm losing my mind.  But that would not have been in line with Satya, truthfulness, Aparigraha, non-grasping, or Ahimsa, non-harming. And so I'm taking the other path, moving out of my comfort zone, and into practices that challenge the imbalances in my body - and take me to the edge both mentally and physically.

Is it easier? Heck no. Am I less committed to my yoga? If anything, I'm more comitted. Is my practice suddenly less disciplined, more comfortable, or less confrontational? Actually, the opposite!  Of course I do write this with the caveat that I've been practicing yoga (self-practice) for nearly 10 years, have worked on these issues with an experienced Yoga Therapist, and have 500 hours of formal yoga teacher training that have given me the skills, maturity, and self-knowledge to design asana sequences that both nourish and challenge my body, that are well-balanced but also target my imbalances. And when it feels right, I'll keep practicing Ashtanga, too.

Funny, so much fuss about which type of asana we are practicing, when really, it's only 1/8th of the practice! I have found that as time goes on, I become less and less attached to WHAT I am practicing and more focused on HOW. Which is what yoga is all about, I guess. :)

Readers, what have been your "yoga realisations" or your experience with attachment?

14 comments:

  1. As you know I left Astanga a long time ago for similar reasons to you. Itno longer served my body. I have ME, scoliosis + osteoporosis and unfortunately I needed a different approach. All bodies are different and needing a different approach has nothing to do with judgements on ego or self discipline. I did get quite a bit of flack at the time for leaving but *shrugs* whatever :)

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    1. Not "unfortunately" - just the way it is! The wonderful thing about yoga is that there is a style (or many!) for everyone. :)

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  2. I can see how leaving Ashtanga after so long would be a bit difficult. I haven't really introduced myself to any other sequences or style (outside of Hot Yoga) so knowing what's right for my body hasn't been brought to my attention yet. I hope to, eventually, gain a teacher certification and to explore more yoga styles for the sake of saying I did. Knowledge is a tool I love and having knowledge of other yogis would be beneficial if I were to continue with my certification to teach. (I currently live in an area that offers no yoga studio, I think partly due to no demand) Nevertheless, you are correct, yoga is 1/8th of the practice and we must be true to ourselves and our practice. I wish you luck in alleviating the problems you have found.

    Brianna
    http://travels-of-life.blogspot.com

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    1. Hey Brianna - if you eventually decide to follow the teaching path, I think it's really important to explore many styles first and find which one (or ones) resonate with you! I have also found that since doing my first TT it has been useful to explore other styles which give me more "tools" to address my different student's needs.

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  3. Hey friend,

    I really never meant for the conversation to become controversial, either. Funny how people like to pick sides. I am not questioning your decision and I absolutely support you in your choice to move on. However, as one who believes whole-heartedly that Ashtanga is a complete system (both in reference to the asana system and to the eight limbs) I can't help but want to address some of these issues you've brought up here.

    First, I know what you mean about the imbalance of strength in the shoulders. Admittedly, I've been doing pull-ups and chin-ups for years to keep my shoulders balanced and safe. However, while Primary is very heavy on the front-body strengthening, 2nd series builds the backbody, so when one continues on the course, balance is achieved. Same thing with the psoas and piriformis: 2nd series.

    As for Eka Pada Raja Kapo, I don't really understand what you're saying. Have you gone so far into 3rd series that you practiced this posture daily and still find the system to be flawed? Beyond that, and on a slightly different note, be careful with that posture as a hip opener, especially if you have sacral imbalance. Here's why: http://bentoutofshape.ca/?p=5

    I also have a curvy spine (I prefer not to give my conditions titles. Titles give them power). Initially, I did find that the right side of my back, the short side, hardened with daily practice, but as soon as I realized this, I was forced to practice with acute awareness, and thus was able to heal myself through the practice. Primary, especially, is designed to address these types of body imbalances with all of those right side/left side postures.

    Lastly, it is difficult for me to comprehend that all of Ashtanga is within anyone's comfort zone. Even if one had advanced through all the series, there are so many ways to work within the structure of the system to address one's own unique conditions and needs, be they to accommodate illness and injury or to challenge highly advanced physical skill. When approached with awareness, compassion, and patience, it is a practice designed for a lifetime.

    THAT being said (whew!), Ashtanga not for everyone. Even if it takes someone ten years to figure that out. Best of luck to you in your practice.

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    1. I think the issue with ashtanga is that if you cannot do the drop backs by yourself you don't get the benefits of 2d series asanas that will relief your hip flexors and the rest. And doing the drop backs can take a very very long time depending on the person. And that's fine, there is no rush at all, but truth is that doing ustrasana will not burn your nervous system. ;)

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    2. Hey Megan, thanks for the long & thoughtful comment. I have been following your blog since before you discovered Ashtanga and it's great that you have found such a lifelong path in the practice. :) I'm glad you've found that 2nd balances your back muscles - I have been working a series of poses that strengthen the traps & rhomboids and stretch the pec minors, and it's helping a lot.

      As for Eka Pada Raja Kapo, it's not about the pose (which I was practicing under the guidance of my teacher, but not in an ashtanga context). And I am certainly light years away from trying to "use" such an advanced pose as a hip opener (it's not actually my hips that restrict me in the pose anyway), or even work on it on a daily basis. The pose was just a vehicle to the realisation of areas of my body that were demanding attention - stat!

      Finally I certainly didn't mean that "all of Ashtanga" is within my comfort zone! What I meant was that taking a step outside the system and making the decision to work on my body in a different way was a step out of my comfort zone - and still is, every day. :)

      Interesting how you say "titles give them power" - I kind of feel the opposite! Naming my scoliosis and getting to know it in depth gives me leeway to work with it and keep it in balance - which takes its power away. :)

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  4. your practice is YOURS. do whatever the f*ck you like, missy! ;) if that means sampling other flavors, so be it. that's what i do. life's too short and the flavors are so, so sweet. x's and o's! :D

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  5. Really glad you wrote this! I've been experiencing upper) back pain in the last few months, exacerbated sometimes by my yoga asana practice (but probably at root much more to do with lifestyle - computer, sleep etc - and stress factors). I haven't been an Ashtanga purist since my early years of practicing yoga, but its driven me to explore asana practice outside my ashatanga-based, power-flow usual, and pay more/different attention to other aspects of my yoga practice as well (breath, compassion, karma yoga etc).

    I'm still very much at the question stage, interested to see how the new direction in your path works for you as you go on.

    look forward as always to future posts.
    best

    Amanda

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    1. Hey Amanda,

      Computers - especially laptops propped on a table (cough) - and stress are brutal on the back. If you are passing through Bali any time I will give you the contact of my Yoga Therapy instructor who is AMAZING, I really recommend seeing one if you get the chance. I will also do a post soon with some exercises to release the front of the shoulders and strengthen the upper back muscles.

      It's been interesting to practice in a different way. Using asana in a more targeted, therapeutic way takes away some of that "moving meditation" that I find in my Ashtanga practice. So I am trying to mix it up, and have some "flow" parts of my practices and some "work" parts. Working in a more targeted way is leading me to less pain in general and therefore a happier overall state, so it's worth it at the moment - and I am still getting my meditation from my actual meditation!

      Thanks for visiting!

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  6. Thanks for the post. In the last few months I've been also thinking in breaking up with ashtanga. I am not as advanced as you, but have been practicing for six years and I do notice this kind of imbalance you mention. In my last trip to Mysore I practiced with BNS Iyengar, he gave me a new approach to the series and yoga in general. I just loved him so much and loved the way my practice shifted. Sometimes you just reach a point where you don't believe 100% in the system anymore, then I think it's time to move on.

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    1. I really don't consider myself an "advanced" practitioner in any way - just someone who has gotten to a point where I know my body and have the ability to put my ego aside and listen to it (most of the time)! I still enjoy the practice but practicing exclusively Ashtanga is no longer serving my needs, so I am branching out.

      Personally the more I practice the more I try to focus on the big picture - yoga is the system, and in yoga I still believe 100%. Asana is just one part of that system, some might argue the least important part, because no matter who you are, you will have to modify your practice at some points, because of other life commitments, and age. So for me personally, I don't think there's a lot of sense in getting attached to an asana system, especially if it's no longer serving you. Good luck following your path!

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  7. I think I just read about myself! Did you write a post on the poses you did to balance yourself? It is EXACTLY what I need...

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    1. Hi Dover - I didn't write a post on this but I certainly could if people would find it helpful. :) Stay tuned.

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