Sea Change: on leaving East Timor, growing up, and welcoming the new year

Dearest readers, 2012 is drawing to a close. The world didn't end and the solstice has passed, so in solar terms, a new year has already begun. Many have been saying that 2012 marks the end of an era of humanity, and the dawn of a new one. For me, 2013 is certainly going to bring about some major changes.

On December 31st, I am leaving East Timor, my adoptive home for most of the past 8 1/2 years. It's hard for me to begin to write about the significance of this to me. I came to this half island nation when I was just 23 and I am leaving now, 31 years old. How to sum up the changes that take place during a quarter life? In this place I found friendships that transcend all boundaries and will last a lifetime, loved and lost a soulmate, and through this loss learned the meaning of fleeting pure happiness. I have climbed mountains in the sunrise, heard the Old Magic humming, swum with whales and dolphins, dived with a dugong, four-wheel-driven up a rocky escarpment with a flat tire, camped on beaches under the stars, slipped into a career and become a yoga teacher.

I have held babies just born and witnessed the death of a child; I have sat on the floor listening to gunfire while a teenager sobbed with terror, spilling stories of past horrors that he witnessed as a boy. I have been displaced from my home and returned to find it looted, but while others ended up in a tented camp, I still had a roof over my head. I have learned time and time again what it is to be privileged: a well-fed, well-educated testament to the top tier of the geographic and social birth lottery into which probably everyone reading this blog is also born, free to choose my own destiny, to make my own choices, to have any job I choose, to marry and have children if I choose, and only if I choose. I have been constantly humbled by the everyday hardships of the other 80% of the world's population, by the barefooted men who walk miles over the mountains, by the women who bear their babies year in and year out, by the children whose lives are more work than play and who go to bed hungry every night of their lives.  I have seen the most beautiful sunrises and sunsets of my life, felt peace in the midst of chaos, found love amidst the woodsmoke and the flowers.

In essence, I grew up, here in the hot, humid air. Like a migratory bird, I landed in this place to shed the awkward feathers of a fledgling and grow a pair of wings. And now it is time to fly - away from this land I have lived in but that could never be my home, leaving behind great chunks of myself that have bled into the earth, the sea, the sand and the sky. A part of me forever to remain here; a part of here forever to remain with me.

There are no words for these sea-changes, these great transformations. Most of us mark them with life's big events; my tribe, the global nomads, we mark them with entry visas and exit stamps.

So where to next, dear readers? Well, for a little while, I will be returning to Canada, the country of my birth. Living a mere 600 kilometres (400 miles) from my birthplace - the closest I have lived since I was 8 years old! For the next few months you will find me nestled in the mountains in Whistler, British Colombia, soaking up the cold, the snow, and the crisp clean air. From the tropics to a Canadian winter, from the sea to the mountains, from one of the poorest countries to one of the richest, it is harder to imagine a bigger contrast, and I am reminded that in my nature I gravitate towards extremes.

Everything changes and yet nothing changes, dear readers, and I will still be blogging here, about yoga (a lot) and life (a little bit), and probably about skiing, and snow, and the dislocation that only a returning expat knows. About a homecoming to a place that is no longer home, about an affluent society unseeing of its own good fortune. I am trying to go without expectations, but of course that is impossible, so I hope to study and teach yoga, to reignite my practice in the chilly air of winter, to reconnect with old friends and the land of my birth, and to keep blogging about all of this, the yoga of life.

As always, if you're reading this, I am both humbled and honoured that you have taken the time to do so. Happy new year, readers - what changes, big or small, will 2013 bring for you?

Guest Post: A Healing Story

This week's guest post is by Nikki, who blogs over at Live, Love, Yoga.  Check out her blog after reading here about the origins of a strong, creative and super-inspirational yogini and yoga teacher.  Thanks for sharing Nikki.


And remember, if you have a story about yoga and healing, please email me to contribute it to this series! lagitane at mac dot com

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"Hello World!" was the first thing I programmed when I enrolled in my first 

computer science class in college that would later steer me to yoga.  As with so 

many people, I became a professional desk jock hovering over a computer 8-10 

hours a day. The high paying title of Software Engineer also came with high 

medical bills as I began to develop symptoms of carpel tunnel syndrome and 

suffered with repetitive muscle/strain injury in my right wrist for what felt 

like a very long time for 8 months of 2000.  The shooting pain that radiated 

from my neck straight down to my right arm and down my right leg would keep me 

up all night and transformed me into someone with crankiness, unmotivated, and 

self-doubt syndrome.  You might as well throw in depressed too since everything 

I did from simple tasks like pouring a pitcher of water aggravated the 

situation.   The solution my company gave me was to give me an ergonomic mouse, 

chair, wrist guards and told me to sit up straight.  The situation got worse as 

the tingling became non-stop.  I decided to go see a doctor and get x-rays.  

Good news was they didn't see anything wrong physically in my wrists so carpel 

tunnel was not physically evident yet.  You're fine they say and couldn't 

explain why I was in pain.   After I refused to agree that I was imagining my 

pain, they prescribed some physical therapy for me that involved massaging my 

forearms, ultrasound therapy, parafin wax and some wrist twirling exercises.  

These therapies relieved the pain for several hours but the pain would come 

right back regardless of what I was doing.  After 4 months of therapy, they 

basically gave up on me and said I was doing better and that I didn't need 

anymore therapy and told me to keep up my exercises.   So I did.  And so the 

pain continued.  Found myself a new doctor and he told me the same thing.  I was 

so sick of hearing these doctors tell me I was fine, when I wasn't feeling 

fine.  I decided to seek out alternative healing methods and saw an 

acupuncturist who treated my entire right side instead of just my wrist and 

forearms.  The acupuncture was a slower method of healing, but after many 

sessions, I began to feel the effects.  

One day, my coworker invited me to a yoga class they had just started at 

noontime at work.   I went.  It was the utmost unpleasant and pleasant 

experience all together.  My first down dog was hell!  Who would want to stick 

their behinds up in the air and put so much strain on the wrist?  I stayed and 

suffered for the hour.  At the end, I left hating and loving yoga all at the 

same time.  At that time, I couldn't remember when the last time I truly relaxed 

and slept like I did in savasana.  I decided to come back and thought the 

suffering in down dog was well worth the "high" I felt after class. 

After doing yoga for several months, I was rewarded with days of no repetitive 

muscle strain.  I became aware of when the symptoms were going to flare and 

would do yoga to counteract it and eventually I was able to heal myself 

completely.

This is when my yoga practice would become a distant memory until I became 

pregnant with my first child.  The aches and pains of pregnancy sent me back to 

yoga.  The breathing techniques I learned in yoga helped me during child birth 

when I decided that "hee haw hee haw hee haw" was a breath that should be used 

when I play farm animals with my new baby.  Yoga was there for me during 

postpartum and I gained my strength and body back within a month.  Yoga was 

there for me during my 2nd pregnancy and I barely remembered the 2 hour labor 

that flashed by.

I eventually left my career as a high techy and am now teaching yoga.  I still 

get the pains every now and then for no apparent reason that would drive me 

insane.   It was not until I completed my level 2 teacher training that 

challenged me to look at myself on a more deeper and wholesome level.  I went 

through my life with a fine tooth comb and questioned everything I did.  I 

thought I was prescribing to what I thought was "healthy."  I exercised, 

meditated, and ate what I thought was healthy.   It was not until I met a 

nutritionist who intriqued me with his unconventional way of thinking.  He 

introduced me to metabolic typing nutrition where I should only eat what my body 

needs chemically (i.e. how my body metabolizes).  So after ten years of enduring 

and trying to combat my muscle pains, I healed myself completely and found the 

exact cause of my pains within two weeks of being on a metabolic nutrition 

plan.  I discovered that certain foods were causing muscle inflammation at the 

site of an old injury.  

Yoga has taken me on a journey of self discovery on all possible levels of 

humaness in the physical, mental, and spiritual realms.   At each stage of my 

experience, I learned how to tap into the power of my intuition and sharpen my 

eye of awareness.  Yoga has taught me how to look at my myself as a whole and 

not just the nagging  pain I often associated myself with. I've learned how to 

converse with the sensations in my body and listen to what they are telling 

me...granted all this is a work in progress and will continue to be as the 

present moment is always recreated.   I love yoga and now when I wake up each 

morning, the first thing I think is "Hello World!" with much gratitude and 

enthusiasm. I could go on and on about what yoga has done to transform me but it 

wouldn't mean a thing if you didn't experience it for yourself.  

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Readers, have you experienced yoga or physiotherapy on an injury?  What were the results?  Have you ever been in a situation where you tried alternative and modern medicine?  How did they compare? 

As always I would love to hear your voices in the comments! :)  Namaste.

Pranayama and Pain Relief: A guest post

This is the first installment in a series of guest posts about Yoga and Healing.  Stay tuned for more - and if you have a story to contribute, please get in touch with me: lagitane at mac dot com. ;)

Today's post is special because it looks at how modern science is validating knowledge that both ancient and modern yogis have discovered through their experiences.  And even better, it's presented by a *real* scientist! :)

John Fossella PhD is a former neuroscience & genetics scientist who, in May of 2010, decided to stay at home and raise his 2 children.  He also started a yoga practice @ Alluem Yoga in Cranford, NJ and so now is just slowly starting to realize the physical and mental benefits of yoga.  In the midst of practice, practice and more practice, he wonders just how – in terms of physiological and brain systems – the gradual transformation of the body and mind occurs (or in his case, will hopefully occur) and how the modern scientific view relates to ancient yogic medicine and philosophy.  He is blessed to be able to share his practice with his 2 boys who are enrolled in the kids yoga program @ Alluem. 


He blogs about his experiences with the practice of yoga over at Sutra Science, and about genetics and self-discovery at Genes to Brains to Mind to Me.

Pranayama destroys all pain and sorrow

In Chapter 8 of B. K. S. Iyengar's Light on Pranayama, he quotes the Bhagavad Gita (VI 17) saying, "Yoga destroys all pain and sorrow". Nice! and this is just one of dozens of poetic and inspiring sentiments that are woven into the otherwise detailed and rigorous methods described by Iyengar for the training of the lungs, diaphragm and intercostal muscles. Although I know the training is extensive and will surely take many years to master, I can't help wonder how much pain and sorrow, realistically, might be alleviated by the mastery of something as basic as - you know - breathing?

How might this work? I mean, pain is something that happens in your body and in your mind. How might mastery of deep and controlled breathing alleviate pain?

It turns out that there is a scientific research journal - Pain - that is dedicated to these types of questions. A recent article, "The effects of slow breathing on affective responses to pain stimuli: An experimental study" [doi:10.1016/j.pain.2009.10.001] by Alex Zautra and colleagues investigates the role of breathing in relief from chronic pain. The authors base their research on a specific neuroanatomical model of emotion and pain regulation:

The homeostatic neuroanatomical model of emotion proposes that the left forebrain is associated predominantly with parasympathetic activity, and thus with nourishment, safety, positive affect, approach (appetitive) behavior, and group-oriented (affiliative) emotions, while the right forebrain is associated predominantly with sympathetic activity, and thus with arousal, danger, negative affect, withdrawal (aversive) behavior, and individual-oriented (survival) emotions. ... The homeostatic neuroanatomical model of emotion suggests that central sensitization of pain in FM patients results in part from a relative deficit of activity in the parasympathetic branch of the ANS required for down-regulation of negative emotion and pain experience.

In basic terms, the researchers suggest that if one can increase activity of the parasympathetic nervous system, then one will experience relief from pain. So they want to evaluate whether deep breathing increases activity of the parasympathetic nervous system? In Chapter 4 of Light on Pranayama (Pranayama and the Respiratory System), Iyengar provides many detailed anatomical drawings of the musculature, skeletal and neural machinery related to breathing, but unfortunately no details on the role of parasympathetic vs. sympathetic nervous systems per se. The authors however, point to a previous study that showed slow breathing increases activation of bronchiopulmonary vagal afferents and produces enhanced heart rate variability, which reflects increased parasympathetic tone - so the scientific evidence points in the right direction.

To test the notion themselves, the investigators asked a group of healthy adult females to wear a small thermal device on the thumb that could be heated and cooled to produce varying levels of moderate discomfort (pain). By asking the volunteers to experience the thermal discomfort when breathing normally vs. breathing in a slower, deeper manner, the investigators could begin to assess whether the experience of pain (a self-reported value between 1 and 11) was different between the two breathing conditions.

The results showed that the volunteers self-reported less pain (given the same amount of thermal stimulation) when performing deep, slow breathing.

Very neat. Perhaps not a surprise to yogis 3,000 years ago nor experienced yogis today, but very exciting to see how the practice of Pranayama can engage a neuroanatomical system for the relief of suffering. In a previous post on the neural stimulation of this system - and its relation to Kundalini - it has become even more clear how potent this system can be!

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Readers, have you ever experienced the effect John talks about, where slow, deep breathing can actually help relieve your pain? What is your experience with Yoga and pain relief?

Yoga and Healing: Guest bloggers wanted!

We have all heard stories of the amazing healing that yoga can bring.  In honour of a yoga friend who recently suffered a bad accident, I am going to do a series of posts on yoga and healing - and I need your help!

Whether physical, mental or emotional, whether your story or a loved one's, if you have a yoga and healing story, I want to hear it.  I believe that by sharing stories we can inspire each other, and people at any stage of healing can take heart from that inspiration.

Get in touch with me! lagitane at mac dot com

The Gift of Embodiment: Part I

My last post, as well as a few other things in the blogosphere (LOVE that word!) of late, got me thinking. In particular, thinking about the body and our relationship to it. There are a lot of bloggers who reflect on the way that we, and women in particular, struggle to accept and love our bodies in the face of a culture that worships appearances and an idealised physical form. One amazing woman who blogs regularly and movingly about this is psychotherapist and Yoga Teacher Teresa over at My Embodiment. Another is Suburban Yogini, who did a recent interview with Bliss Chick, another body image warrior. And Brenda from Grounding Through the Sit Bones did some reflection on role modeling in the yoga community in this post a few weeks back.

I think at sometime or other, we all suffer from thoughts about our body image. As a thin woman, I wanted to be busty. Curvy women long to be thin. Our male friends want to be thin but buff, my asian friends want to be whiter, my white friends wish to be darker and so the list goes on! Interestingly (for me), the wealthier the society in general, the more overwhelming these issues seem to be. Maybe it's the inundation of advertising and media that accompany wealth, celebrating body-stereotypes and obsessing over appearances. Probably we just have too many mirrors in our home and too much time on our hands. Maybe it's more than that - maybe some of us try to compensate for our extremely privileged material lives by making ourselves suffer from the inside. I think I fell into this latter category in my own teenage years.

The truth is, everyone suffers. Everyone who is born into a body will experience suffering in their lifetime. For the majority of people in the world this suffering is part of the daily struggle to survive against the obstacles of hunger, illness, poverty, and lack of choices. But even we, the most privileged people on the planet, cannot evade pain, grief, and fear. The only way never to suffer is not to be born. But sometimes it seems that our society gives us only the tools to deny, suppress or evade suffering, and not to deal with and transverse it.

When the source of suffering is our internal image of the body, and not just the body itself, we enter into a strange realm - one where our suffering is no longer grounded in reality, but in perception. As Yoga Sutra 1.8 puts it: "Misconception occurs when knowledge of something is not based upon its true form." When we fall into this trap, we truly believe in a false reflection, and believe in it so strongly that we put our bodies through physical suffering because of it. This is the realm of eating and exercise disorders, of the young women throwing up in the bathroom, the young men trying to live on a diet of protein shakes and killing themselves in the weight-room, of african and asian women who bleach their skin trying to make it whiter. This world of misconception is also a window to the more sinister realm of society-imposed bodily mutilations such as foot-binding and neck stretching, all in the name of 'beauty' and 'perfection'.

These thoughts and realities make me wonder: how has humanity failed these individuals so deeply as to lead them to that suffering? And in our own daily biases and insecurities, how far are we from that 'mental modification' ourselves? How can we work to change that, to help others or to help ourselves?

The Yoga Sutras offer us the first clue: "These mental modifications are restrained by practice and non-attachment." (1.12) and "Practice becomes firmly grounded when well attended to for a long time, without break and in all earnestness." (1.14). In English, that means: Long, Hard Work. Oh darn - no quick fix. ;) And for some of us, used to instant gratification, that might be enough to make us stop listening right there!!

But for others, Yoga offers the perfect practice to address misconceptions. The practice of Yoga encourages a new knowledge of the body to occur - one that begins from within, instead of from without. It offers a chance to re-build a fractured relationship with the Self, and to create a Self-image that is not based on the material world, but on a connection with the deeper self/spirit. And on the physical level, it offers us the chance to create a new ideal: a healthy, balanced body that is unique to every individual. A journey through space and time that is tailored just for us. A journey that takes us to a state of bliss: "Samprajnata samadhi (distinguished contemplation) is accompanied by reasoning, reflecting, rejoicing and pure I-am-ness." (1.17)

On the macro level, the teachings of Yoga have a lot to offer as well. Non attachment (aparigrahah) includes letting go of beauty ideals, and not judging others by their appearance. Non-harming (ahimsa) means not causing others harm, even if believed that it is truly "for their own good" (i.e. the thankfully extinct practice of binding girls feet because it would attract a good marriage). Ahimsa also means not to cause yourself harm, and this practice begins by cultivating a healthy, non-harmful relationship between the body and the mind. And all of these practices are just that - practices. They take conscious effort, discipline, self-awareness and hard work. And don't forget non-attachment: we have to be willing to endure the journey, and not strive for perfection at the outset.

Change begins from within: what are body issues that you have struggled with? How has yoga brought about changes in your perception?

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So concludes part one... In part II I intend to reflect a bit more philosophically on suffering and how it can be that some of us come to call embodiment a gift, despite all that we have to endure. And I am looking for possible guest bloggers or contributers for a Part III on body image within the yoga community... Let me know if you are interested!

Therapeutic Yoga

One of the things that sneaks up on you as a yoga teacher is an awareness of other people's bodies. We can't help it! I find myself at parties quietly noticing posture, stance, and hip alignment of the people around me - not to mention energetic 'vibes' as well!

When I first began practising yoga, in my early 20's, I was about as unhealthy as I have ever been in my life. After University I was sleep deprived, hadn't exercised in years, and had done who knows what damage to my lungs and liver from the excesses of student life! And I was certainly not flexible - I couldn't even touch my toes! On top of that, since high school I had developed painful tightness in my right shoulder - a common symptom of my type of scoliosis.

Fast forward to today, when I am stronger, more flexible and healthier than I could ever have imagined! Some days I think that I take for granted how it feels to live in a healthy, pain-free body. So, back to my party and looking around, I realise how many people take for granted just the opposite - that the body is a source of struggle, pain and even shame. And no wonder - many people live with structural or deeply developed muscular imbalances, resulting in limited range of motion in key areas like the hips, shoulders and lower back. And these people are not ill or injured - they are everyday people that work with you in your office, or who you have a drink with in the evening. Some of them are sporty and fit - they run, lift weights or cycle. And yet, for many of us as we approach our 30's, 40's and beyond, the story of our battle to stay fit is like a chronicle of various aches, pains and injuries: "well, I was running a lot, but then I developed shin splints so the doc told me I should take up cycling, but then I hurt my knee, so now I'm swimming..." Sound familiar?

For the fairly fit, a regular beginner's yoga practice is the perfect option. But there are many people for whom even a gentle asana class may not be accessible. And for those people who are suffering from injuries, living with or recovering from illnesses, or losing mobility due to age, and for the people who work with them, there is Therapeutic Yoga.

Therapeutic Yoga is a combination of relaxation, meditation, breath work, body awareness, restorative and yin yoga poses, and self-healing practices. It is a wonderfully holistic system, and its ultimate aim (like most holistic healing systems, and unlike many western systems) is to help people help themselves.

The Kit pictured here was given to me by a friend. The kit was developed by Cheri Clampett and Biff Mithoefer. It is a remarkable resource containing an audio CD, 16 asana 'cards', and a manual explaining the principles of self-care and the benefits of therapeutic yoga, a detailed guide to 16 restorative postures including many prop variations and examples of gentle yoga stretches to accompany the poses, and a guide to other healing techniques like self-massage and guided meditation.

At the time I recieved this gift, I had expressed a vague interest in Yoga Therapy and restorative yoga. Recently, I have been getting more and more interested in restorative yoga practices, deep breath work, and meditation. I have been working with a private client who is recovering from an illness and seen the transformation in her as we work with simple poses and develop the breath. As my own awareness expands around me to notice the multitudes of people dealing with chronic stress and pain, my interest in this type of Yoga grows.

So I share it with you dear bloggers and blog readers. What are your experiences with restorative or Yin yoga, or with body imbalances, injuries and illness?

Oh, and for Babs, a picture of me in a pose from the Kit, "Resting Half Moon Pose", which I used in the previous post's sequence for menstrual pain :)